Ashley Haselton Wellness

For you who feels as if your body has failed you – me too.

For you that has to go about everyday life, work, commitments, social gatherings and are fighting back tears because you never know when the pain will come up and haunt you – me too.

For you who has forgotten who you were before this journey - me too.

For you that has been hopeful for years that a miracle will happen, but it hasn’t – me too.

For you that has lost hope and doesn’t know what or who to trust anymore – me too.

For you that has secretly cried themselves to sleep too many times to count because the pain is so deep – me too.

For you who has tried to process this by themselves because telling others makes it feel more concrete – me too.

For you who wish to surprise their husband with a positive pregnancy test, but realize it may never happen as you had hoped – me too.

For you that is tired of feeling alone – me too.

For you that has been poked, prodded and feel like a science experiment – me too.

For you that doesn’t feel enough in their own skin – me too.

For you that has given up because the emotional burden is too much to carry – me too.

For you that feels ashamed – me too.

For you that has felt in some that this is all your fault – me too.

For you that unload your heart on your closest friends because “how are you doing” is never a simple answer – me too.

For you that wonders if your husband is tired of seeing you sad and wishes he had chosen someone different – me too.

For you who feels frustrated because you have done everything in your control, yet you end up each month with the same answer – me too.

For you that has wholeheartedly tried to convince your husband to leave you to find a woman he could have a child with – me too.

For you that never knew what anxiety and depression were before this journey – me too.

For you that has been buying baby shower presents, going to gender reveal parties, baby arrivals and secretly wish it were you – me too.

For those of you that have told your parents why you haven't given them grand children and in some way feel you have failed them too – me too.

For those of you that are tired of people saying it will happen in God’s timing (even though you know this is the truth) but also a scapegoat because know one really knows what to say – me too.

For you that puts one foot in front of the other because that’s all the willpower you have – me too.

For you that have come out stronger from your circumstances, can see the silver lining and are grateful for the hardships – me too.

For you that somehow found the strength to begin again – me too.

By: Ashley Haselton Spring 2018

1 in 8 couples are faced with infertility.  Infertility is a medical condition that is found in both men and women, and men and women are affected almost equally.

I wrote this poem this time last year in the midst of a 4 year journey of infertility.  I had no idea I was nearing the end of the journey.

I remember the conversation we had when we said “Let’s have a baby”- It was November 2014 on our way to our anniversary trip to Chattanooga.  My heart swelled thinking of how you would come so soon and easily - but the universe had other plans for us. Hard lessons that I would never take back. The road to be here in this moment has been difficult. One I wish I could protect every woman and man from. Infertility. I’m grateful. It changed us and shaped us in ways I never knew imaginable. We were faced with challenges that most people don’t recover from. The challenges sure did make this unexpected news much sweeter. We were planning to start the journey of IVF in January 2019 and - in November 2018 we got the shock of our lives!! What?! It just happened? Yep! (Maybe not “just” - I was very proactive in getting to the root of “unexplained infertility”). .

One day I will share more of our journey. Until then, I pray diligently for the couples who are currently experiencing this life circumstance. I know your pain. I know your hope. I know what it’s take to face each day. Please don’t lose hope. Everyday I woke up and said “I trust”. “I trust my life is unfolding according to plan”. Infertility is hard. And I pray for those of you who are sitting it in right now. Please don’t face it alone. Please reach out to me, a friend, a family member, a therapist, and online support group, etc.

I’m so grateful for the support I have had all of these years. Especially from my incredible husband who never lost hope. Ever.

#nationalinfertilityawarenessweek

The day that confirmed you were real, healthy and growing!